Am I in a relationship with a narcissist?
If you’ve found yourself googling “Am I in a relationship with a narcissist?”, you’re not alone. That search often comes after months—or even years—of feeling emotionally confused, exhausted, or invisible in a relationship.
But here’s the thing: this question isn’t really about them. It’s about you.
You're noticing something doesn't feel right. You're sensing that your needs aren't being met, that you're doing mental gymnastics to keep the peace, or that you're starting to lose touch with your own voice. That deserves your attention.
As a therapist trained in psychodynamic and humanistic approaches, I don’t focus on labeling someone else as a narcissist. Instead, I help clients gently turn inward to ask:
How is this relationship affecting me?
What am I needing that I’m not receiving?
Why does it feel like I’m the one who's always apologizing, explaining, or doubting myself?
What we often call “narcissistic” is a pattern, not a label
When people say “narcissist,” they’re often describing a set of behaviors—not a diagnosis. These may include:
Difficulty empathizing with your feelings
Needing to be right or admired constantly
Shifting blame or avoiding accountability
Becoming defensive or critical when challenged
Making you feel like your needs are too much or unreasonable
Whether or not someone meets the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder is beside the point. What matters is how you feel in the relationship.
You might be in an unhealthy dynamic if…
You’re constantly walking on eggshells
You second-guess your feelings or memories
You feel more drained than nourished after interactions
You find yourself apologizing, even when you're not sure what you did
You’ve lost touch with your sense of worth, identity, or clarity
These are real, painful experiences—and they don’t mean you’re weak, dramatic, or broken. They mean you’ve adapted in ways that helped you survive an emotionally confusing environment.
It’s not about you—and that’s the point
One of the most painful parts of being in this kind of relationship is the feeling that something is wrong with you. You may internalize the message that you’re too sensitive, too needy, too emotional, too much.
But here’s what I want you to hear: It’s not about you.
When someone has a fragile sense of self, difficulty regulating emotions, or unmet needs they never learned to manage, they may relate to others in self-centered or controlling ways—not because of who you are, but because of what they haven’t learned to face in themselves.
Understanding this doesn’t excuse the harm, but it can help loosen the grip of self-blame and bring clarity to a confusing emotional landscape.
What you can focus on instead
Rather than spending all your energy analyzing them—their traits, motives, or diagnoses—what would it be like to focus on you?
What are you feeling in this relationship?
What needs consistently go unmet?
Where have you been silencing yourself to keep the peace?
What parts of yourself are asking to be seen, heard, or protected?
These are the questions that can lead to healing. And they don’t require anyone else to change in order for you to grow.
You deserve a relationship where you can be yourself
You deserve to feel safe, valued, and emotionally held in your relationships. If you’ve been questioning your reality, losing confidence in your voice, or shrinking yourself to make something work, it’s okay to pause. To grieve. To reflect. And to get support.
Therapy can be a space to unpack what’s been happening and come back home to yourself, not by judging, diagnosing, or fixing anyone, but by reconnecting with the parts of you that have been neglected or dismissed for too long.
Interested in exploring this further? I offer individual therapy for people navigating emotionally confusing or one-sided relationships, and for those rebuilding after years of self-doubt or emotional invalidation.
Reach out for a consultation if you’d like to begin that process together.
