What If Anxiety Isn’t the Enemy? A Gentler Way to Understand What’s Going On Inside
For many people, anxiety feels like a storm that hits out of nowhere. Your heart races. Your thoughts spiral. Your body tenses up. Maybe it feels like everything is too much, or like something bad is about to happen — even when nothing obvious is wrong. If you’ve felt this way, you’re not alone. And more importantly: there’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, what if your anxiety isn’t trying to ruin your day or your life — but is actually trying to protect you?
Anxiety Isn’t Bad — It’s Trying Really Hard to Help
It might sound strange, but anxiety often shows up when some part of us is trying to keep us safe. Maybe it’s worried you’ll be judged, rejected, abandoned, or fail. It may not know the whole story — but it’s reacting fast to anything that might feel dangerous or overwhelming, even if you’re safe in the present moment.
Anxiety isn’t trying to hurt you. It’s trying to help you. But sometimes, it works overtime and doesn’t know when to stop.
So What Does Anxiety Really Want?
Here’s what anxiety is often asking for underneath the surface:
Safety. Emotional or physical — it’s scanning for anything that might go wrong.
Control. It doesn’t like surprises. It wants a plan, a backup plan, and reassurance that everything will be okay.
To be heard. If anxiety feels ignored, it tends to get louder — not because it wants to ruin your day, but because it’s trying to get your attention.
You don’t have to agree with everything your anxiety says — but it does help to listen.
What Can You Do When Anxiety Shows Up?
It might sound counterintuitive, but fighting anxiety or trying to shut it down often makes it stronger. What helps more is gently checking in with yourself.
You can ask:
“What feels hard or scary right now?”
“What might I be trying to avoid or protect myself from?”
“What do I really need in this moment — rest, reassurance, connection, clarity?”
Even a few slow breaths, or putting a hand over your heart, can begin to settle the nervous system. Sometimes anxiety just wants to know you’re there, that you’re listening.
How to Notice Anxiety Before It Peaks
Anxiety rarely shows up without warning — but the signs are often subtle. You might feel:
Restless or wired, even when nothing is happening
Mentally “busy” — planning, checking, overthinking
Avoiding decisions or conversations
Tension in your jaw, chest, stomach, or shoulders
These are your early warning signs. And if you notice them, that’s actually good news — it means you can respond before anxiety takes over.
Try:
Taking a break and stepping outside
Putting your phone down and checking in with your breath
Saying to yourself: “Something in me is feeling overwhelmed — how can I care for myself right now?”
Including Loved Ones: You Don’t Have to Go Through This Alone
Anxiety can feel isolating, but you don’t have to carry it by yourself. When you’re in a spiral, it can help to bring someone in — not to fix you, but simply to be with you.
You might say:
“I’m starting to feel anxious and I just need someone close by.”
“I’m not in danger, but my body’s reacting like I am — can you remind me I’m okay?”
“When I get quiet or snappy, it’s usually because I’m overwhelmed, not because I’m upset with you.”
Anxiety softens in safe, calm connection. When someone can stay grounded while you’re spiraling, it helps your nervous system feel less alone and more supported.
Anxiety Needs Compassion, Not Criticism
You don’t need to get rid of anxiety to feel better. You need to learn how to listen to it — kindly, patiently, gently. When you stop fighting it and start understanding it, something powerful happens:
You build trust with yourself.
You learn how to respond instead of react.
You show yourself that you’re safe, even when your body feels shaky.
And maybe, most importantly, you remember: anxiety doesn’t mean you’re broken — it means you’re human. And being human is hard sometimes. But you don’t have to do it alone.
If this resonates with you, therapy can help. Not to “fix” you, but to walk with you as you learn to understand, care for, and soothe the parts of you that feel anxious. You’re allowed to feel better. And it starts with turning toward yourself, not away.
