The Parts of Ourselves That Feel "Monstrous": Why Turning Toward Them Heals Us

We all have parts of ourselves that we struggle to understand—parts that feel overwhelming, sabotaging, even monstrous. These aspects of our personality often show up in moments of stress, conflict, or vulnerability. Maybe it's the inner critic that won't stop tearing you down, the angry voice that lashes out, or the anxious part that hijacks your calm. These parts can feel shameful or destructive, and our instinct is often to push them away.

But what if the key to healing isn't rejection—but curiosity?

The Parts of Us That Keep Showing Up

In therapy, it's common to hear people say, "I hate that part of me," or "Why does this keep happening? I thought I was past this." These recurring patterns can be frustrating, especially when they seem to block the growth we're working so hard to achieve.

Yet these parts—the ones we’re repulsed by, scared of, or ashamed of—aren’t showing up to hurt us. They're trying to protect us.

The Protective Intention Beneath the Pain

Most of these "damaging" parts were formed in response to old emotional wounds. At some point, they stepped in to help us survive something painful. Maybe it was a chaotic household, an emotionally unavailable parent, bullying, trauma, or a deep unmet need.

The angry part? It might have developed to protect you from being hurt again.
The perfectionist? It may believe that if you get everything right, you won’t be rejected.
The anxious part? It could be scanning for danger because it once had to.

When we begin to turn toward these parts with compassion and curiosity, instead of judgment or fear, something powerful happens: we see their intention.

From Rejection to Integration

Healing doesn't come from silencing or banishing these parts. It comes from noticing them—really seeing them—and honoring their original role. This doesn’t mean we let them run the show, but we can listen to their story.

When we acknowledge, "I see you, I understand what you're trying to do, and I appreciate your effort to protect me," those parts begin to soften. They're no longer fighting to be heard, no longer acting out to get our attention.

This is the work of parts integration—an approach rooted in modalities like Internal Family Systems (IFS)—where each part is welcomed, understood, and eventually befriended.

The Healing Power of Self-Compassion

The parts of you that feel monstrous aren’t monsters. They’re protectors that have been doing their job—often for years. When you bring compassionate attention to them, you begin to lead your internal system with what therapists often call your Self—the calm, curious, compassionate core of who you are.

From that place, you're not dominated by fear or shame. You're empowered to respond, not react. You're free to grow, not stuck in old patterns. And most importantly, you're able to truly integrate all parts of yourself—including the ones you once feared.

Start the Journey of Inner Healing

If you're tired of fighting parts of yourself and ready to begin understanding and integrating them, therapy can help. Together, we can explore the parts that keep showing up, understand their purpose, and help you build a more peaceful, empowered relationship with your inner world.

You're not broken. You're made up of many parts—and every part belongs.