Understanding the many faces of grief
As a therapist, I sit with people every day who are carrying grief. Sometimes it looks like sadness, other times it looks like anger, numbness, or even laughter at unexpected moments. Grief is not a single emotion or a neat, predictable process—it’s a deeply personal journey that can show up in many different ways.
One of the things I often share with clients is that there are different types of grief. Knowing these can help people make sense of what they’re experiencing and remind them that there’s no “wrong” way to grieve.
1. Anticipatory Grief
This is the grief that begins before a physical loss actually happens. It’s common when someone you love is seriously ill, or when you know a big change is coming (like moving away from home or ending a long relationship). You might notice waves of sadness, worry, or even guilt for grieving “too soon.” But anticipatory grief is a way our minds and hearts try to prepare for what’s ahead.
If you’re feeling this way, you’re not broken for grieving early— you’re human. Your tears, your anxiety, even the moments of withdrawal are your heart’s way of bracing itself. It doesn’t mean you love any less or that you’re giving up; it means you care so deeply that your body is already responding to the weight of what’s coming.
2. Acute Grief
This is the raw, immediate grief that often follows a loss. It can feel overwhelming, consuming, and unpredictable. People often describe feeling like they’re in shock, moving through a fog, or riding an emotional rollercoaster. Acute grief is often intense, but over time, it usually softens, even if it never fully disappears.
If this is where you are, it makes sense that everyday life feels impossible right now. If you’re forgetting things, crying without warning, or feeling numb, you are not doing any of it wrong. Your body and mind are working hard to protect y9u as you navigate something no human being is ever truly prepared for.
3. Complicated or Prolonged Grief
Sometimes grief doesn’t ease in the way we expect. Instead, it stays heavy, stuck, and disruptive for months or even years. This can happen when a loss is especially traumatic, sudden, or layered with unresolved emotions. People experiencing complicated grief might feel like they can’t move forward, and they often benefit from extra support—whether through therapy, support groups, or community.
If you’ve been grieving for a long time and it still feels unbearable, please know you’re not failing at healing. Sometimes the pain lingers not because you’re unwilling to move forward, but because the depth of your love or the circumstances of your loss were uniquely difficult. Seeking support is a courageous step, not a sign of weakness.
4. Disenfranchised Grief
Not all grief is openly acknowledged by others. This type of grief happens when your loss isn’t recognized or validated—like the end of a friendship, the loss of a pet, infertility struggles, or the grief of a nontraditional relationship. Because others may not understand or offer support, disenfranchised grief can feel especially isolating.
Your grief is real even if others don’t recognize it as such. You don’t need anyone’s permission to mourn something meaningful to you. You deserve the same compassion and space to grieve as anyone else.
5. Collective or Community Grief
Sometimes grief isn’t just individual—it’s shared. Communities grieve together after tragedies, natural disasters, or societal losses. We’ve seen this on a global scale during the COVID-19 pandemic, and many people feel it during times of social unrest or violence. Collective grief reminds us of our interconnectedness and the ways we lean on each other to heal.
You may feel heavy in ways that don’t seem tied to your personal life, and that’s real. Carrying grief for your community, your country or the people of the world can feel exhausting, but it also speaks to your empathy and humanity. You are not along in this weight, and others are grieving with you even if you can’t always see them.
6. Secondary Losses
Loss doesn’t always come in a single moment. For example, the death of a partner may also bring financial challenges, changes in identity, or shifts in friendships. These “losses within the loss” can be just as painful as the original event. Naming them helps us understand why grief can feel so complex and layered.
It’s understandable if you feel overwhelmed. You’re adjusting to all the ripple effects that come with what you’ve lost. Each shift, whether it’s in your routines, your role, or your relationships, is another goodbye. It’s not “too much” or “overreacting” to mourn those layers too. They mattered because they shaped your life.
A Final Word
Grief doesn’t follow a straight line, and it doesn’t look the same for everyone. You may experience more than one type of grief at once, or move between them over time. The important thing to remember is that grief is a normal and natural response to loss—it’s not something to “get over,” but something to learn to carry in different ways.
If you are grieving, know that you are not alone. Reach out to loved ones, community, or a professional who can walk alongside you. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means finding ways to live fully while holding space for what you’ve lost.
